


Hablemos de (Sssh), Baby

by Itscalledthedistrict



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Fluff and Humor, M/M, Talks of sex, ace spectrum Keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 06:11:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15624339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itscalledthedistrict/pseuds/Itscalledthedistrict
Summary: Lance sat back and wondered how bad it could actually be. “It’s just the sex talk,” he thought, “why are they so up in arms about it?”Alternatively titled: The five most important conversations Lance ever had about sex.





	Hablemos de (Sssh), Baby

**_One: Age 12_**

The sound of the door slamming wakes Marco with a jolt. Lance and Luis started to laugh, but were silenced when they heard their mother’s angry footsteps and harsh muttering.

Veronica walked into the room and flopped onto the couch beside Luis. Marco snickered, “Qué pasó hermana?”

Veronica groaned and threw an arm over her eyes. “Mamá has a sixth sense.”

“For what? Lance leaving his underwear on the floor or Luis not putting away his razor?”

Before either brother could protest, Rosa Santiago-McClain cleared her throat loudly. All four kids jumped and turned their attention to their mother. They all knew they were in trouble when she did that. Rosa was usually a very understanding, calm woman. It took something drastic, like Veronica cutting herself on Luis’s razor or Marco tripping on Lance’s laundry left on the stairs, to make her truly angry. Lance and his siblings had a rating system, from 1 to 10, on how mad their mother was.

“This is a _solid_ eleven,” Luis muttered.

Lance suppressed his flinch. Elevens meant she was _pissed_.

“I raised you kids right, no?” Rosa asks, “I do my best after your father left to care for you and Abuelita. I raise you to respect your elders and to be proper gentleman and ladies. This is what I get for that?”

“Mamá, please-"

“Silencio, Veronica! I have heard enough of your excuses. This is something I should have done long ago.”

All three of the brothers turned to their sister. She covered her face with her hands and ignored Luis’s harsh whisper asking what she did.

Oblivious to her oldest children’s antics, Rosa continued, “Luis, you're going to college soon. Veronica you are not far behind him. Lancito is going to the Garrison next year. Marco will soon be the only niño I have in the house. Before you all go we must have…”

“Dios mío please don't say it-"

“La charla del sexo.”

Veronica groaned again as Marco and Luis started protesting. Lance sat back and blushed, wondering how bad it could actually be. “It’s just the sex talk,” Lance thought, “why are they so up in arms about it?”

“After dinner we are to have a family meeting. Don't think any of you are getting out of this. No me importa if you have homework. Apparently this is a pressing matter.” Rosa gave Veronica the stink eye before turning on her heels and leaving the room.

Marco turned to his elder sibling. “What. Happened.” he asked shortly.

Veronica didn't remove her hands. “You know Jeremiah? The boy I've been dating? Mamá walked in as I got to third base.”

Marco and Luis snorted. Lance looked between his three siblings trying to figure out what third base was.

When he asked, Luis teased him, “Aw, Lancito is so innocent! This is going to be your first sex talk, no?” Lance nodded. “Pobrecito. Mamá isn't going to go easy on you. We all had the talk in the last month of sixth grade, but I guess since you’re going to Garrison you won’t get it.”

“Crash course!” Marco yelled, ignoring Veronica pulling on his arm.

By the end of his conversation with his three eldest siblings, Lance felt like he knew… _everything_ about sex. How his siblings knew all of this, Lance didn't want to know. Why… why was this supposed to be a good thing? Sex sounded messy and gross and _ugh_ . Then to know _Veronica_ was going to do it today…

“Lancito, come tu cena. Es pollo, tu favorito.” Abuelita said, drawing Lance out of his thoughts.

“Sorry Abuelita. I'm just not hungry.”

“¿Estás enfermo? Nunca digas que no tienes hambre.”

“I’m not sick Abuelita, I promise. I just have a lot on my mind.” He glared across the table at his brothers. They shrugged unapologetically.

“Well, mijo if you're not hungry you can wrap it up. Come to the salón when you're done. Marco, Luis, other one, put your plates in the sink and go.”

After his siblings begrudgingly left the room, Abuelita coughed loudly. “Creo que me acostaré temprano esta noche.”

Rosa turned to her mother, “Oh, well, alright. Sleep well mamá, I just need to go talk to the kids. Come, Lancito.”

“Lancito está enfermo, Rosa. Niño, termina de limpiar y acompáñame arriba.”

“Abuelita I’m not-" Lance stopped at the harsh stare of the elder woman. He sighed in defeat, “Alright. Mamá, may I be excused?”

Rosa looked at her son, then at her mother. It was obvious she wanted to disagree but knew she would lose anyways. Rosa imitated Lance’s sigh and agreed. “I have to talk to your hermanos, but I will check on you soon mijo.”

After Lance finished putting his dishes away, he went upstairs to knock on his Abuelita’s door. After she said he could come in, Lance was surprised she was not in her nightgown. “Abuelita? I thought you were going to bed?”

Abuelita laughed, “Nah. Tu mamá está enojada y quiere tener la charla del sexo. Tengo 73 años mijo, no necesito escuchar a esto.”

Lance couldn’t blame her for wanting to avoid hearing the _sex talk_. “Why did you say I was sick? I feel fine.” Lingering thoughts about the conversation he had with his siblings passed through his brain. Lance suppressed his grimace.

“Porque eres un niño y tus hermanos son adolescentes. No necesito esta charla ahora. Además, escuché lo que tus hermanos te dijeron. No nesecitas  _dos_ charlas en _un_ día.”

Lance almost cried in relief at his grandmother’s words. “Have I ever told you you're the best abuela ever?”

“Lo sé.” She patted on the bed and pulled out a book. Lance laid down next to her as she started reading, “ _El Ingenioso Hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha_ …”

Lance woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and eggs. He walked downstairs and greeted his mamá.

“Lancito, sit down. We still need to talk.”

Lance contemplated running back to his room, but he couldn't resist his mamá’s cooking. Especially after he skipped dinner the previous night. He sat down and started eating his pancakes.

“Lancito,” Rosa began, sitting at the table with her son, “I should have realised you were not ready for the talk I had with your hermanos. I sometimes forget that you are so much younger than they are. Abuelita told me some of what they said and I'm sure you've heard enough.” Lance nodded quickly. “Hm, well, I will wait to give you that talk for when you are a teenager. I will give you another instead.”

Lance’s mother spoke to him about puberty instead. It was as awkward as any puberty talk, but Lance felt better after it was over. Moreover, he still had a good couple of years before he and his mother _actually_ had to have the talk.

* * *

_**Two: Age 15**_

Lance was expecting to have a relaxing weekend at home. All of his siblings were in university while the Garrison had a holiday to celebrate the day Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. It would only be him, his mamá, and his abuela.

“Lancito, I think it's time we have a talk.”

“Ah crap,” Lance thought. He was fifteen; he knew exactly what his mamá wanted to talk about.

“No soy estúpida, Lancito. I know you know all about the birds and the bees. I want to talk about something different.

“I know you are young, mijo. I know that you will have those,” she scrambled to find what she wanted to say, “ _urges_ and other friends will be doing it so you will think you have to as well. Mijo, I want you to know that it isn't a race. A lot changes after you begin a physical relationship with someone. You will be a different person. You won't view the person you had relaciones with differently. Remember mijo: sex is never just sex.

“I wish I could tell you kids to wait until you get married. That would save a lot of heartache, pregnancy scares, drama, HIV testing…” She threw her hands up, “Muchos problemas, mijo. But again, I am not stupid. Just promise me you’ll be respectful, careful and _safe_ , Lancito.”

Lance nodded, “I promise mamá.”

Rosa pulled a small box out of her pocket. “This is un anillo de pureza. Your grandmother gave me one for each of you before she passed. I want you to wear it, just like I asked tus hermanos. Marco and Veronica still wear theirs, but that could just be around me. You may meet people that pressure you to do something you don’t want to, Lancito. I want this ring to keep you grounded. In a perfect world you would wear this until you have a wedding ring around your finger, like Luis, but-"

“Mamá, I get it. I promise I won't have sex until I’m married.”

Lance almost laughed as his mother sighed in relief. “Gracias mijo, I had to threaten castración on Marco and Luis.”

Lance didn't know what to say to that.

* * *

**_Three: Age 20_**

“So… Keith.”

Keith looked up from his data pad with wide eyes. “What's wrong?”

“What? Why would you think anything is wrong?”

“You're voice did the weird trail off thing. Something’s wrong.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Keith still looked unimpressed. Lance sighed, “Fine. Nothing is wrong, I promise. I just have to talk to you about something.”

Keith put the data pad down and sat on the couch. Lance took the seat beside him, angling his body towards his boyfriend. “Okay, Keith, how long do you think we’ve been together in Earth years?”

“I don't know, uh…” Keith’s eyebrows furrowed together. Lance tried to not notice how cute that was. “a year?”

“Yeah, a year seems about right. And that year has been one of the best years of my life-”

“Lance.”

“You know that. I love you and I love every minute we’ve spent together as boyfriends and-”

“Lance.”

“I sometimes can’t believe I let our rivalry go on for so long because we could have had _this_ instead of those years of pining, but I think that was good too because we grew a lot as people and became _so much_ stronger because of it-”

“ _Lance_.”

Lance stopped rambling when Keith put a hand on his thigh and said his name in the tone that meant “I love you but _please_ stop talking”.

He took a deep breath. “We need to talk about sex.”

Keith lifted his hand like Lance’s leg was on fire. “What?”

“We’ve been together for a year,” Lance said, taking Keith’s hand between his, “and it’s important. We haven’t had time to talk about it between fighting the Galra and everything else.”

“Okay… can we move this to a bedroom please? I don’t want anyone over hearing us right now.”

“Oh, yeah sure.” Lance got up and tugged on Keith’s hand. Once they were in his bedroom, Lance didn’t know what to say.

“So… sex?” Keith asked awkwardly.

“Uh… yeah. I don’t really know what we’re supposed to say here. I’ve never really had this conversation before.”

Keith sat on the bed and laid down. Lance didn’t hesitate before laying beside him and resting his head on Keith’s chest. Like his own heartbeat, Keith’s was quick and loud. It was embarrassing for the both of them, but his mother’s words echoed in his head. “Promise me you’ll be respectful, careful and _safe_.”

“Let’s play twenty questions,” Keith suggested, startling Lance out of his thoughts, “just ask whatever comes to mind.”

“Okay.” Lance took a deep breath. “Have you had sex before?”

“No. You?”

“No. The ring I sometimes wear is a purity ring my mom gave me when I turned fifteen. It’s a little big, so I don’t wear it much, but it reminds me of her.” He heard Keith’s heartbeat slow down a little. Lance suppressed his smile. “Have you ever been tested?”

“No, but I want to be before we do anything.”

“Same. Now how do you feel about… sex before marriage?”

Keith was quiet for a moment. “I’ve never really thought about it. I don’t think my parents were married when I was born.”

“I think you should know that I don’t plan on having sex until I’m married.”

“Okay.”

Lance sat up to look at Keith, “Okay?”

Keith shrugged, “Yeah, okay. Why is that a big deal?”

“You’re not disturbed by the fact I want to wait for sex?”

“No,” Keith said slowly, “Why would I be?”

“Well, because,” Lance looked away from Keith’s confused stare, “it might be a _long_ time before we’re married. Not because I don’t love you or because I don’t think we’re ready, but because we’re young and we have to fight to defend the entire freaking galaxy.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to hold you back.”

Keith sits up so he’s eye level with Lance. “You realize you’re basically telling me to wait until we get back to Earth to have a milkshake, right?”

“What?”

“Lance, you’re acting like this is a big deal when it isn’t. I’ve never had sex, don’t know if I ever want to have sex, and here you’re acting like I’m being deprived of something great. I love you and I love being with you. Nothing is going to change that.”

“How does the milkshake thing fit into that?”

Keith rolled his eyes, “Of course _that’s_ what you got out of it.”

“You can’t throw in a metaphor like that and _not_ expect me to ask questions, Keith!”  

“I meant it like I’ve never had a milkshake. Why would I want something I’ve never had or needed before? I’ve survived this long without it, obviously it’s not necessary to my survival.”

“Maybe because you’re lactose intolerant.”  

“We don’t know that for sure!”

“Keith, you had _one glass_ of milk from Kaltenecker and you threw up so much Hunk almost threw you into a healing pod.”

Keith pulled the pillow out from under his head and whacked Lance. “I thought we agreed to never discuss that again.”

“Make me, Mullet.”

“It’s not a mullet!”

Their previous conversation was forgotten in favour of light banter and playful wrestling. They would pick it up someday, Lance figured. Right now all that mattered was Keith and the smile he had on his face.

* * *

**_Four: Age 24_**

Maricela Santiago was always a force to be reckoned with. She was outspoken, brash, improper… all those things her mamá used to call her. Her mother would say she’d never find a husband or have a family with how she acted. Maricela sometimes thought about how her mother would react now. Her daughter and grandchildren were the best anyone could ask for, even if they were also not “proper” or “typical”.

Her daughter raised four kids by herself. Luis is a school teacher sharing their language and culture with today’s youth. Veronica is pregnant with her second child. Marco is graduating with a degree in law. And Lancito… Lancito came home. Lance McClain (they took off his hyphened name. Maricela was not pleased about that. His father should have no relation to him after what happened.) was one of five Paladins of Voltron, saving the universe from an evil they didn’t know existed.

Maricela thought it was unfair that Lancito had to live his youth as a soldier. He was taken from them for almost seven years. He left as a young adult and came back a _man_ . He didn’t lose the youthful spirit that made him _Lancito_ , but the scars on his skin and the dark circles under his eyes spoke words he’d never say to them. Instead, those eyes look to the Red one. The scar on his lip expands when he smiles at him. The metal hand gleams as he slaps the other on the back. Maricela is old, yes, but she is not blind. She knows what kind of relationship they hold.

“Are Keith and Lance up yet? I told them yesterday everyone was coming for breakfast.” Rosa asked her mother.

“They had that press conference last night, maybe they are sleeping in.” Veronica’s husband, Miguel, suggested.

“Keith may not have slept last night. His bedroom door was open and he was not there when I went to the bathroom.” Marco added.

“Who are we talking about?” Lance asked while entering the room, followed by Keith.

“Oh, Mamá was wondering if you knew it was breakfast time.” Veronica responded in English.

“I smelt bacon and I came right away.”

“Now that you’re here, Lancito can you grab the plates for me?” Lance started to reach for the plates when his mother gasped. “Lancito, what happened to your neck? It looks like you hurt yourself.”

Maricela noticed how Lance flinched. “Nothing, Mamá, don’t worry about it.”

“No, Lancito it almost looks like something _bit_ you and-”

The second thing she noticed was how Keith’s eyes widened in fear.

“I promise I’m not hurt Mamá, can we please let it go.”

Veronica snickered and Marco dropped his plate. Maricela counted to three in her head and waited.

“Wait a minute… _Lance Esteban Alejandro Santiago-McClain!_ ”

“Mamá can we _please_ not have this conversation now-”

“I cannot believe this!” Rosa said in exasperated Spanish, “You promised me you wouldn’t have sex until you were married! What is this? How long has this been going on? Do we need to go and have you tested because-”

Veronica leaned over to Keith, “Can you understand what they’re saying?”

“I can understand everything she’s saying.” Keith admitted.

“Mamá, I didn’t break my promise to you!”

“Lancito don’t lie to me-”

“ _Keith and I are married_!”

Veronica choked on her breakfast. Keith buried his head in his hands. Marco started laughing uncontrollably. Rosa’s jaw dropped open. “ _Married_?!”

“Please, mija. Don’t act like you didn’t know. The Red one flinches whenever you open your mouth.”

“Mamá, you knew?”

“I knew the minute they got off that plane. Keith was so nervous to meet us I thought he would run on the spot.”

Rosa looked torn. “Why didn’t you tell us, mijo?”

Lance sighed and took the seat next to Keith, who didn’t hesitate to take the hand offered to him. “Everything was so… new. It’s been seven years, Mamá. I didn’t know Veronica was married or that Marco went to law school. I didn’t know how to bring it up without hurting you.”

Before Rosa could answer, Luis walked in with four kids following him. He stopped when he looked at everyone’s faces. “What did I miss?”

* * *

_**Five: Age 47**_

“You know we have to do it.”

“Unfortunately, you’re right. Are you sure we can’t put it off for a little longer?”

“They’ll be sixteen in a couple of weeks. It’s best to just get it over with now so we don’t ruin their birthday.”

“Yeah but… they’re just babies. They aren’t ready for this.”

“Do you want me to call your mom instead?”

“... No. We’re grown ass men. We can handle this.”

“Good. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“... You’re not moving.”

“Neither are you!”

“You’re standing in the aisle way!”

“Well just… go around me.”

“You’re being a child.”

“No, you’re the child here.”  

“Face it, we’re both being children. We fought aliens for seven years in an intergalactic space war, nearly died multiple times, became parents and can’t have this conversation.”

“Guess we have to take them back now.”

“I don’t think that’s an option.”

“The only other one we have is to get this over with.”

“Guess we’ll have to take that one. Let’s do this.”

Keith and Lance walked into the sitting room and stood in front of their two children. “Mijos,” Lance started, “today you father and I are going to give you”

“Dios mío please don't say it-"

“La charla del sexo.”


End file.
